do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
