I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
