I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
it's like heaven, but drunker
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
