I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
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