I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
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