South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
is that a dick in a sweater?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
