I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
