Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
