even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
