Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
