Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
