2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
