Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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