Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
