i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
