Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
