the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
