i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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