I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
