turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
