Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
