tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
My vagina just recognized that song.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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