PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
