Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
