Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
