Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
