he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
