She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
