How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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