Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
