Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
