three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
