he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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