Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i was born a porn star she said
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
