I want to have your abortion
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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