That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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