I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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