so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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