I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
