It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
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