thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Ladies don't puke and tell
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
