So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
It's just like the Real World with babies
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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