there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
