just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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