It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Randomize
