bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
