Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
