He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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