man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
