I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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