I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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