I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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