I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
