Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
