The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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