everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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