please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
