how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
