Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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