I have demons in me.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
