We named our party play list daddy issues
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
