Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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