Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
