He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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