I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
