I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
