I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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