I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Randomize
