dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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