he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
