my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
