he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
