opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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