you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
and you fell through a lawn chair
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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