That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
