i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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