you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
