I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Randomize
